Thursday, April 07, 2005

My head is spinning...

There is indeed such a thing as too much good news. At least, too much when strings come attached.

For example, grad school. Funding is great, but the stipulation is that I have to leave the country for it - more difficult than it sounds when my friends and family have always been my life.

Then, there's marriage. The love of my life and I have to spend three years sleeping in separate towns to make this grad school thing work -- and, while it is still better than the original nightmare, to be apart in Boston and California, I still find myself dying inside a little whenever I think about being away from him for more than a day or two. Funny how the ultimate lonester girl doesn't really savor total solitude anymore. We'll have approximately every other weekend together, but it still isn't easy.

A lot of things are like that right now. I feel like I have too much to process -- nothing's really had a chance to sink in, but I don't have time to ponder it, either. I regret that tremendously, but I'm not sure how else things could have fallen into place. As it is, I'm exhausted and overwhelmed, trying to reconcile what I wish for with what must be.

Sorry to be on such a downer tonight. Life's like that.

2 comments:

Kelli said...

Aww, chica. I'm sorry that everything is so rough for you right now. I wish there was something I could do. Hey I have an idea! Just both of you put off grad school, come live in Eugene for a year and we can all go to grad school together next year!! :) (since I'm not going anywhere) ;)
But more realistically :) I think you need a girls weekend... some time to process. Let's see what we can do about that.

Meg said...

Yes, please yes!!! That sounds so, so so good!