Drunk as a skunk

Oh man…it is not easy to complete a mail merge while nursing a White Russians and beer hangover. For some reason, my hangovers always start later than they should; I slept well last night, felt fine when I woke up – if a bit sluggish – but then, as soon as I left for work: BAM! (I say that with all of Emeril’s intonations; I really do feel like a piece of chicken that he’s pounded with a meat mallet.) It’s all I can do to sit here, sip my green tea, and try not to think about how fuzzy my head is.

I love it :)

I don’t get to do this enough, or at least I don’t let myself. I actually think that’s a good thing, at least for me, because every drunken experience is always a novel one. I never feel bored or stuck in a rut because I never go to the bars enough to have any pattern in place! Yes, that may be justifying my inactivity – but it works for me.

Had another long, long conversation last night with FH about being in our 20s. I’ve now held this discussion with three different people, and it still remains a relief to hear that I am not the only one who feels like everything is in flux. It was also reassuring to have so many coworkers affirm that it gets much easier in your 30s. I’m just amazed by how tumultuous life feels: even though so many things are sort of established, it still all feels chaotic. I mean, I’m getting married and going to grad school – but who the hell am I?! And what the heck am I doing going to grad school – am I really going to want to be in academia for the rest of my life? Should I drop out right now and write that novel I keep meaning to start, or become a therapeutic riding instructor, or sell all of my belongings and go on a years-long trek through another continent? Why do I feel like I’m looking for stability even though I’m terrified of how boring it will be when I find it? Why does the world – and particularly the powers that be in my academic life – expect me to know exactly who I am and what I want when my life is just beginning to take shape? GAAAAH!

Good god, no wonder everyone’s in therapy.