Thinking

I don't think anything - moving to England, getting diagnosed with Graves', moving back without CB - has been as stressful and existentially challenging as this job hunt (four months and counting, since I'm not about to count that one interlude as a success).

Right now, I'm looking at my options. They include working part-time without benefits (with a serious commute involved); temping full-time and edging that much closer to career Admin Assistant; and accepting the apparent norm in environmental nonprofit land, which means working without pay until the group I'm with decides to hire me. Then, there's the whole challenge of making a two-career couple work. Where are we going to go after CB finishes school? How can we each pursue our dreams while being mindful of the other's, and how on earth do we find a compromise that won't leave either of us feeling like we sacrificed too much? It's a frightening balancing act, but hey: it's only the most important relationship of your life, right? Sometimes, I wish I could be someone who would be happy staying home with the kids, or working wherever I found a job, regardless of what it entails. But then I remember that I wouldn't be who I am if that were the case. And he wouldn't have married me.

CB and I made the decision to marry each other knowing full well that our biggest challenge would be managing to balance work and home in a household headed by two ridiculously driven people with very different career goals. So we work on it, every day, even when we're 8000 miles apart.

But now, on my end, things need to change. When do you decide that your plans need tweaking?

There's a new career I'm considering, but it involves a major shift, a lot of dues-paying, and more grad school. The latter doesn't bother me, but I'm hesitant. I feel like I need to investigate every possible avenue that this new path might lead me down; I thought I'd covered my bases last time, and yet here I am with no real job prospects in sight. Plus, I do need to think about what's best not only for me but also for us. No problem -- what's one more ulcer, right?

So for now, let's just say that I'm planning to either: a) find that elusive environmental job; b) temp full or part-time and research/start on my new career after hours; c) curl up in bed until it all goes away.

I like c) best.