Friday, May 27, 2005

T-minus one month...

In 30 days, I will be a wife. I will be leaving my reception with my husband, saying goodbye to my guests and starting a life as Mrs. My Last Name His Last Name (no hyphen - I'm not a fan). We thought about just keeping our individual names, but both of us liked the idea of having a unifying surname instead. I just realized that I have to change my passport and everything else - my health insurance has to change, my car insurance...there are so many legal details to a wedding ceremony.

Anyway, as expected I simultaneously am overjoyed and completely freaked out. The monumental nature of this one "big day" is beginning to become clear, and I think any single gal experiences twinges of anxiety about become a Mrs. when she is so used to Ms. Then, of course, there are all those unexpected wedding issues, like the mysterious wedding cake (what will it look like? don't ask me!), strange family dynamics and ridiculously complicated logistics. So, I think a little freak out is normal - and it comes in bits and pieces, like it did while I was sitting at a red light yesterday. I suddenly felt myself getting glassy-eyed as I realized how quickly the wedding was approaching...and then the guy behind me honked, shattering my reverie and bringing me back to more pressing issues like driving.

Still, I'm happy in the knowledge that FH and I are a secure, compatible couple with similar views in all the right areas. It's also nice to know that we will not become one of those "MegandFH" couples who can't do anything without each other; we have our own friends and our own interests, and I'm damned if that's going to change. We talked about that extensively ahead of time, and our individuality is very important to us. It's great because this relationship and marriage are creating a new part of my identity without erasing any of the old bits. Now, I just get to incorporate everything into a slightly different whole -- a process that will be challenging but fun.

I can't wait to start our lives together, although we really have done that already. Still, I love the idea of waking up next to my husband, of wearing our wedding rings in public instead of in secret behind our closed apartment door. This whole wedding thing is scary for many reasons, but it's also tremendously exciting and uplifting. 30 days to go...I have a feeling they will fly.

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