Saturday, May 21, 2005

Back in the atmosphere...

Whew - sorry about that! Moving really made it hard to post, especially since I'm back in the land of slug-speed dial-up. Anyway, I'm slowly managing to cram the remnants of my apartment into my old room, although it's been interesting since we also have to fit Ndugu and ourselves in there...

So, last night I ran into an old acquaintance from high school. We didn't know each other that well, but we were in some of the same extracurricular activities. We started talking and I found out that this person is now married with two kids, one of whom is severely developmentally delayed, and is trying to work towards a college degree while the spouse searches for a job after leaving the military.

It floored me. I feel hard-pressed to explain exactly why, but I think I'm just reeling from the screaming inequity of the way our lives have played out thus far. I feel guilty for occasionally taking my path for granted and for whining about trivial things like my crammed schedule. What the hell kind of world are we living in when two people from the same school wind up in completely different places after a few years? This person is struggling to get by with tremendous hardships, and I'm about to go to graduate school. It's not a matter of fate or god or anything else - it just seems painfully unjust. I realize that's how life is, but it is rattling to run into someone you know whose life is so fundamentaly different from your own - it doesn't seem fair. What exactly did I do to deserve being where I am, and why me?? I know this sounds a little narcissistic, but I just feel like I need to do something big for the world with what I've been given; after all, these opportunities are few and far between. I don't know...it's hard to articulate what I'm thinking. Suffice it to say, I really haven't stopped thinking since last night.

3 comments:

Kelli said...

Wow. I remember running into a couple people and feeling that way too.. although, not quite as extreme. So who was it? Did I know him?

Kelli said...

... or her? :)

Meg said...

You did - tell you later... :)