Thursday, June 30, 2005

This is the first day of my life

I've had that Bright Eyes song running through my head all morning, probably because I'm coming up on a full week of waking up next to my Husband. I don't think capitalizing the "h" really conveys the significance of what took place last Friday, but I'm not sure what would.

When we left the reception on our slow-as-molasses carriage ride (a GOOD thing -- nothing but silence, the steady clop of draft horse hooves, and the wide open fields before us), I experienced a jumble of emotions in rapid succession that went something like this:

"Wait a minute. What just happened? I think I just married my husband...Oh my god, has my dress been this dirty all day? I hope no one noticed...Holy sh--, I just married my husband! Tell me this frantic washing machine sensation in my stomach is normal! ... I can't believe who caught the bouquet -- I'd love it if she actually married next...wait a minute, there's a ring on my hand...why don't I remember having it placed on my finger?? Who is this guy next to me, and what is he going to look like 50 years from now? What am I going to look like? Augh!!!"

Fortunately, we arrived at our cabin 20 minutes later, and my internal roaring subsided as we leaned on the deck overlooking the valley, watching hummingbirds swoop between top-heavy stalks of honeysuckle.

There's so much to write and so many things to say, but all I can come back to now is the unwavering sense of bliss I've felt since I finally let reality settle in. My name may not have changed, but my life did. I think I was born right in that doorway, waiting my turn to step out into the grass where friends and family stood together. Nothing in my life has ever felt so right.

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