Friday, March 16, 2007

Don't you mess with me

Something tells me I'm not the only one in the building who despises our workplace.


Stupid, cheerful-ass Peeps. They probably deserved it. Nothing like skewering a shiny happy yellow marshmellow bunny, let alone spearing a pair, to really make your day better. Sadly, this did indeed make my morning.

The morning, that is, of the day after I quit my job.

Or tried to quit.

And was told I wasn't allowed.

It's been a very long week. I was tempted to add my own adornments to the dart board, starting with my business cards and finishing with something of value, like the only company phone that works more than half-time, but instead I snapped this shot and skipped back upstairs. There's really not much else to write tonight. I quit. Or tried to. It's hard to quit when your fortysomething boss reverts to juvenile behavior. When I told him that this wasn't working out, I received a one-word response: "No."

Is it any wonder I've been fantasizing about Jaeger shots since noon yesterday? I'm going to go find some of those and then run over Peeps with my bike. Maybe back up and do it again for good measure. Are you ever going to receive the full story? Perhaps. It's just that every time I tell it, I get a little.bit.ANGRIER. And you know, I don't actually want to be known as "That girl who went postal on Peeps in the basement of our building and had to be escorted out by security." I always wanted to go postal on something far more deserving. Like the Wiggles.

8 comments:

billygean.co.uk said...

You are of course completely entitled to quit. He's breaching your contract. So quit if you want to.

Coalescent Boy said...

Oh man, I love the picture of the Peeps pinned to the dartboard. There's something about it that just warms the soul ("Chicken Soup for the Cynic's Soul"?). I also like the idea of some creative Peep flattening.

You know, maybe *that's* what you should do with your impending "time off": come up with all sorts of clever ways to maim, mutilate, and otherwise inflict extreme physical punishment on those smarmy, bright-eyed little fuckers and their pretentious happy thoughts. Then take pictures. Send them to office workers, young professionals, and nursery schools near and far. There could be a calendar! And T-shirts! The possibilities are endless.

Come to think of it, this would be the perfect companion to the Bunny Suicides. "The Peep Homicides"? "Hanging (with) my Peeps"? I've already got another setup for you: why not tie one to the outside of a saucepan, like Snidely Whiplash tying a maiden to the train tracks, and then put it on to boil? Or heck, why not just tie it to some train tracks? (On second thought, that might not work; whatever thermonuclear process they use to manufacture these things seems to make them pretty much indestructible.)

Much love,

Coalescent Boy

"I felt like destroying something beautiful."
--Narrator, "Fight Club"

Anonymous said...

I think you should start a peep reality show called "Peepin' It Real." Or write a book about voyeuristic peeps called "Peepin' Toms." Or you could pit peeps against twinkies in the ultimate battle of the deadly snacks. My money is on the twinkies those things are indestrucible.

BIL

Anonymous said...

I think you should start a peep reality show called "Peepin' It Real." Or write a book about voyeuristic peeps called "Peepin' Toms." Or you could pit peeps against twinkies in the ultimate battle of the deadly snacks. My money is on the twinkies those things are indestrucible.

BIL

Anonymous said...

This is somehow reminding me of the "army man" slaughters of the old SU days...remember when Tony threw one in a jet engine? And when we beat another to death with Spielvogel...I see great potential in this maiming of Peeps (much like twinkies and cockroaches, I suspect that they cannot actually be killed).

~ Your Stanford Bud :)

ecogrrl said...

You know, those little peeps are nasty and vengeful:

http://www.theinsanedomain.com/Other/events/peeps/microwaving.htm

I'd better be careful before I launch my new career.

Suebob said...

Well you could keep going and getting paid and read trashy summer novels and watch DVDs on your computer...would he still want you then?

kristy said...

Okay, I understand that you get angry talking about it, but you simply must, at some point, give us the details of how one is prevented from quitting. In the meantime, I beg you to reconsider your campaign of terrorism against innocent peeps. Skewering a Peep is pretty much the same thing as killing a mockingbird, if, that is, you want to get all Atticus Finch-y about it.

Danger Panda