Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Reaffirming the suspicion that men are evil

See this face? This is the Face of Panic, captured for all posterity so I can look back and remember the very moment when my hair began graying and my skin began wrinkling. Note the wide eyes, the deceptive smile (or is that an impending twitch?). Thank you, oh graduate school, for making this opportunity possible.

The Face o' Panic reached a new stage of alarm earlier this week when it learned that Ndugu, Disgruntled Tort extraordinnaire, has morphed into Ndugu, Disgruntled Tort Who Weighs Nearly a Kilogram. He knows he's not supposed to get bigger until we can afford to buy a new house in Seattle (oops, make that slightly used recycling bin, with housing prices climbing and all). Sure, he looks small in this photo, but this was before the impressive 200+ gram weight gain.

Just when the Face thought it could relax, a new reason for dismay arose, on her damn birthday no less (which is itself a cause for Dismay, thanks to the many, many people out there who still think the "quarter of a century" remark is somehow amusing). This, oh women of the world, is the husband. Sure, he looks innocent enough, but thanks to a mishap with some pasta sauce earlier, he is wearing MY DAMNED JEANS...and they fit him better than me.

Seriously. Can you blame the Face if it's a little perturbed by the cruelties of life?


Tucker said...

This jeans incident just adds evidence to support my theory that Bryan was born a girl. Of course this seems to explain why I was always the one chosen to do heavy lifting by our mom. This picture and quote may be used against he/she/it in a court of public humiliation.

I have to disagree with the title though because I am pretty certain that women are much more evil than men. Need we be reminded of which gender was guilty for causing the fall from grace? Women are foul temptresses who use their "assets" to seduce us men so that they may bend our wills to their own designs. A great example of the evilness of women is that my friend will not be attending the UW spring football game with me because his wife is forcing him to go to a tulip festival. That is the very definition of evil right there. I attempted to explain to her that the tulips wouldn’t go anywhere and that they could go see them anytime SHE wanted to, but there was only one time to see the game. My argument failed miserably. I should have known better than to try using logical reasoning on a girl. This is just another case to add to the mountain of evidence supporting the case that most women are incapable of understanding simple logic.

This is just a small sample of how evil women really are. There are so many more examples that I could utillize, but I am really not in the mood for writing an entire book. Hell, I could easily write at least one volume describing the pure stupid, hypocritical, manipulative, malevolence of my current female roommate.

Of course none of this applies to you Meg. Bryan(or Bryanna as she shall now be called) couldn't be luckier to be with a women of your quality.

By the way happy belated birthday old grey-haired maid... I mean oh fair maiden!

Best Wishes


Meg said...

Hmmmm...tulips or underperforming embarassment of a football game? I think I'm going to side with the evil girl on this one - although I'd have let the guy go to the game and just gone to see the tulips myself.

We shall not argue which gender merits the label. I'd win anyway. ;)

Meg said...

Oops, sorry, meant "team," not "game."

Still don't see why sports automatically win over tulips, though. The tulip festival really does only last a weekend or two, and there's definitely a peak season.

Anyway, I think we should all just accept the fact that we think differently - what's logical to us isn't to you and vice-versa. Although we're usually right. (Joke)

Tucker said...

I know that genders have vastly different perceptions of stuff. For the most part I was just joking too. I was just bored last night so I just decided to write something. I never actually tried to reason with her, that was just an argument I probably would have used in the same situation. I was serious about the evilness of my current female roommate though.

Meg said...

Yeah, I figured. There needs to be some sort of sarcasm/joking indicator for internet text.

Hope the term's getting a little better!